A valuable lesson in the heartache....

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Hello my friends, here I go again......yesterday night found me in deep despair - crying my eyes out - feeling that God wanted me to surrender ALL all over again - all my cares, but most of all my heart's desire (to be reunited with #theloverofmysoul) - that was sooooo hard. I felt like Abraham, when he was taking Isaac to be sacrificed..... - Yet, I know, if this is what he wants from me, then I have to do it, cause if I don't have him on my side, with me, then I cannot even enjoy my heart's desire. I know, that he has a reason for all the things he asks me to surrender, and even if I don't understand it today, I know he has a gift in it for me, if I trust him with my whole heart.

I spent a lot of the evening in tears, and I remembered an incident many years ago, I would say it's about 17.5 years ago, that I went to Lake Erie, to just get away, cause I hadn't been able to sleep for about 3 weeks and I was just toast. Then I heard the devastating news from a friend of mine, that the #loverofmysoul was going to get married one of the next weekends in Germany (which he actually didn't - at least not then)......so I left, to process this information, and to surrender my desire and my will, to the perfect plan God has for me. It was hard, but in the end, there was peace and nothing but peace in m heart, that God knows best....and that he would provide the strength to face whatever came my way. And he did, so yesterday, I knew, as hard as it was, I had to do the same all over again - trusting in his perfect will for me - again, after crying and agonizing for a while, this immeasurable peace flooded my soul - and I know, no matter, what the future may hold, that my Jesus and my Daddy in Heaven are enough - them and the Holy Spirit guiding me along the journey of life, comforting and teaching me more and more of who they created me to be, and encouraging me to embrace my destiny each step of the way.

The other lesson was, that my man is still my man, we might just not meet this side of Heaven again - that I have to be patient, just as patient as God was with me over the course of my life, until I finally turned back into his loving arms for good. The place, where I belong, even if I am sad and lonely, because it seems as if I have to keep doing life on my own....I will not complain, but will keep walking in obedience to his call for the rest of my life.

Then he sent me a couple of blessings, to cheer me up: A Cardinal couple showed up at our 'Bird House Inn' - what a treat.... - Thank you, Daddy!!! Then someone posted about God's perfect plan, and explained, why Adam wasn't created on Day 1 of Creation, but only on day 6 - because the Earth was not yet prepared for him. So maybe  and just maybe, that means, that we're both here today, because we can make it, because we are prepared to find our 'Happily Ever After' - that said, I will never loose hope, that my Prince will return for me - yet I know, that even if he doesn't, I will be held and comforted by the one, who died for me, and who holds my tomorrow - my destiny and  my dream safe in his hands.

Have an amazing day today, my friends.....we have another snow day today - Yay :)

Big Hug to y'all

Andschana - Unknown, not knowing / Gianna - Known, the Knowing

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

OMG, I don't even know, where to start....

Yesterday morning I went into the UPS Store here in town, cause I had to send something to Switzerland urgently.....in there I started talking to an Indian couple, and we had a very interesting conversation about India, languages and life in general. During this conversation I told them, that I had been very intrigued by the Indian Culture, through a book that touched me to the core in my young girl years. The title is 'Andschana' - the story of an Indian girl.....this story gripped my heart, I must have read that book at least 20 times, sometimes starting right at the beginning, after I had just finished it. I hadn't thought about this book in ages - the people at the store told me, what Andschana means - it means Unknown...... - I was thrilled to learn that - I did at one point want to start studying Sanskrit, as this is dealing with the root words of many languages (and since my passion is people and languages, that made a lot of sense to me) - sadly that never did happen. But it's not too late yet....maybe I will be able to study some even now.

Afterwards I went to my 'Gestalt Therapy' Session......and there I spoke about the loss of my dear friend Gianna (Dschana - in this case also meaning 'Knowing') - and I was challenged, to pretend talking to her (in front of my therapist) and tell her how sorry I was and how much I regret not having gotten in touch with her over the last 17+ years......as I can do these kinds of things, when I am alone, I felt weird, doing it in front of my therapist.....couldn't do it. The relationship with Gianna seemed too sacred, to make a fool of myself in front of my therapist. That made me - and my therapist - realize that there was a place within, where I still wanted to hide myself - I didn't want to be ridiculed or make a fool of myself in front of her. 

Here is the key: these things have happened in the past with my siblings, peers, but the root goes deeper - Here it comes, and please don't discard what I am saying, cause you know, I am writing only what the Holy Spirit allows me to write......I believe in Reincarnation, or maybe I should say I strongly believed..... - you can find a a passage in the bible, where it's mentioned, by Jesus himself: Matthew 17:10-13 - Jesus refers to John the Baptist as being the reincarnate Elijah (maybe this only refers to the spiritual make up of Elijah, that was alive in John the Baptist) - but it doesn't really matter, as today we only know in part - when we reach heaven, we will know in full. Today I am not as adamant about it anymore, than I was several years ago, when I attended a Bible College in Burlington, I believe that this is part of God's redemption plan. For if it wasn't, God would indeed be a cruel God, for there is people that would never have a chance to meet Jesus, due to their cultural circumstances and personal make-up. These people would be bound to spent eternity in hell - and God would not allow that at all.

Today I think that we are all connected to the one source - the essence of the eternal soul, and thus we resonate with a lot of things here on earth. Jesus came to heal our hearts and bring salvation and renewing of the mind - he can do that in one life, if you listen closely to the nuddgings of the Holy Spirit, but with some it takes more than a lifetime. Jesus is the key to heaven, as he died for all our sins, past, present and future, and he bestows Grace on the Sinner - yet he can only do so much, as the believer allows him to. Therefore, through the ages, the soul has incarnated in many many people, always drawing us closer into the Presence of God.....

Anyway, to make a long story short - I believe that the story of Andschana is my own, or at least I resonate with many aspects of her story.....Andschana is on a journey to trust in her own abilities, and to stand up for what she believes.....yet she is still in the realm of the unknowing. Gianna, my dear friend from the States, who I know today was my spiritual mother......has introduced me to SRF 'Self Realization Fellowship', which was brought to California from India through Paramahansa Yogananda. He taught a special kind of Yoga (Kriya Yoga). I studied his teachings for a while and also learnt the technique, which helped me to tap into the realization of who I was in Christ. 

So, friends, please don't through Baby Jesus out with the wash......Yoga is not of the devil, it just is a different way to attain a deeper relationship with God - and God will guide you forward. In 1995 I decided, that I wanted to pursue Christianity rather than the Yoga path - yet I still feel the benefits of this period in my life. Jesus is as much at work in believers of other creeds. And it's not the rules and regulations of one creed or another, that count in that sacred relationship, but it is letting Jesus lead the way.

My point being, that I believe, that the root to my 'not wanting to make a fool out of myself' in front my therapist lies deeper than just this life - it may only be rooted in my historical ancestry - but I believe it's an experience that I resonate with, that took place in India - in a different era, and it can be found in the book 'Andschana'. It's not important, if this was my life or not, it is not relevant, if reincarnation is true or not......it only is important, that my body responded very strongly to this surfacing knowledge: My body was all of the sudden void of all muscle tonus and I got very tired. My tensed up shoulders finally let go of a burden that I have carried around for far too long.

I am sharing this here, and I know it will be considered controversial, to say the least, but thanks to the Spirit of God living within me, I can be bold, not being afraid of the judgement and criticism that might follow this post.....because I am safe in him forever.

I love y'all and I hope you'll give me the benefit of the doubt and try this on for size, just like Paul says in his letter to the Thessalonians: Do not stifle the Holy Spirit, . Do not scoff at the Prophecies, but test everything that is said.....I know Jesus says that at another place in the Gospel - and if it's not for you, then let's just agree to disagree.

All the Honour and Glory belong to God, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
Amen - Selah

Never waste a moment, to visit with your loved ones.....

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

My friends, I absolutely urge you, never ever, when someone crosses your mind, to not go visit or make that phone call - cause when you finally do it, you might just be too late.

It happened to me twice.....my cousin passed on over 10 years ago, in a car accident, and I had been near her 3 times prior to her passing, each time I thought I should go and see her, and then I didn't do it, because I was stressed for time - and when she had her car accident, I was sorry that I missed the last 3 chances, to see her, while she was still alive.....and I swore, I would never do that again.

Well I guess, I didn't do too well on that promise.....I just checked out my friend in the States, the one that had sent me money in 1995 (as per my 2nd last post) - only to learn, that she had just passed on early January. I am so very sad about that, you cannot even imagine. She was a great soul and I learnt a lot from her. She had had a car accident many many years ago, and could only breathe through a tube in her throat, but she never ever gave up. I will hold her memory dear, and I now vowed, that I would go and visit her husband for sure, when I went to upper State New York. I will actually do that as soon as possible, to not pass by another chance.

I know I will see her again in Heaven.....but I am sad, that I lost my chance here on earth, Yet I also know, she is with Jesus now, and that she knows my heart, and hears my apology and that I am already forgiven, for she was so much someone, who reflected Jesus to those around her.

May you now have the life set free from all your physical ailments, my sweet friend, have a great time in Heaven.....until we see each other again.

I love you.

What an amazing Birthday I had - God orchestrated it so beautifully...

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Hello my dear friends, I have spent an amazing birthday with many many blessings throughout the day - God has turned a page, that's for sure. I was showered with so many thoughtful gifts and blessings of deep deep friendship. It feels as if finally, the promise I received in 2011 has come to full fruition: God sad to me, that my sad days are over - as if he has catapulted me right into Heaven with him. It's almost as if he has shifted my life to 'Harvest Mode'.

My birthday started off beautifully, when I came out of my room, to start the day and set up my own birthday table, as I have done for so many years now (my mom had always done it for me as a child, and when I was with her for that special day - and she had raised the standard, of how I do that for everybody in the household), so that the children wouldn't wonder why the 'Geburtstagsmann' - Birthday Man wouldn't come for Mommy.... - well, to come to the point: 

My Nanny had made a banner that said: 'Happy Birthday Tanja' with a card and a gift (a beautiful Pandora Charm), and another card and present from a very dear friend of mine, who came by the night before, and dropped it off for me (while I was already sleeping) - this beautiful gesture brought tears to my eyes, as I am not used to such things at all. Since I am running the show on my own, this kind of stuff was not within my reach anymore. So I am very very grateful for this display of love and affection. 

Then a lot of people called and texted or posted on my facebook wall. At my children's school there were many that congratulated me, hugs were shared.... - I was in tears more than once.

Then Sarah came to visit and we had a lovely visit, then more visitors came and it turned out to be such a heart to heart day, that I even in my wildest dreams would not have expected it to be. Another sweet friend gave me another beautiful Willow Tree figurine (my children have given me one each) - I just absolutely love those. They are simple yet deep in meaning, just breathtaking!!! And a pashmina, which will go absolutely well with my new purple dress - and when she gave it to me, she told me, that she thought it was going to be great for the opera - this was my cue: I asked if she was free Saturday night, to come to the Opera with me, as my twin brother had declined the invitation. 

I had been asking God all day, who I should invite along, knowing that it was getting very tight to find someone without previous plans - God had told me to wait and that I would know, when it came to pass..... - so I said to myself, okay, I wait, and if nothing happens, that seems right, then I just go on my own......yet this was clear as can be - my friend loves Opera, she is available - it's her birthday coming up next Tuesday - so it all made perfect sense. Praising God once more for his marvellous provision.

I really give up planning things, he is in Control, and he directs the most amazing scene - creating the most wonderful Opera all by himself......I can just relax and enjoy. That's such a gift to me, as I used to always have to orchestrate (or maybe I should say, that I thought I had to) everything by myself.

Now he has shown me once more, that really, when I let him do the planning and directing, the scene turns into something even more beautiful than I could ever have imagined myself.

Hoping that we will all learn to trust his ways over ours, and that we all hand over the reins, and simply start follow his lead......for that's what this life here on earth is all about: 'To learn to love him....in just a little while, we'll be home forever, can't you see him smile" - as my dear friend #amygrant sings.

Life is simply amazing - I am very happy, to be a part of his plan. Love to y'all!!!

Big Hug

Finances 202 - updated :)

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Okay, my friends, here is the next step regarding finances - this weeks sermon at church was a continuation of last weeks sermon - our pastor had derived the message from 2. Corinthians 8.....and basically, Paul urges us, to give to the church honestly - yet, it's not to rip you off your money. God wants to bless you, but in order to do so, he tests your affiliation to the church (the body of Christ, the Kingdom of God) - for where your treasures are, there your heart is also. And where your money goes, there your compassion goes, too. Generally speaking it is also an obedience issue - we are called to give the tenth of our monthly income - the first fruit actually, at the beginning of the month or of the week, not which is left at the end of the month.

In October, November last year, I asked God, if it was okay to divide the 10th between different causes concerning the body of Christ (in my particular case, the church, the school my children go to and other causes I contribute to.....) and he said it was. For the months of October - December, he told me exactly, what he wanted me to do with the tenth.....and so I did. But somehow my conscience was not entirely satisfied.....I had divided the money according to his prompting, yet I feared, that the church was going to judge - cause they had seen the cheques throughout the year, and I didn't like that one bit. But then again, it's got to be okay, if God tells me - so I really shouldn't worry about who judges me, right? Yet, I caution you, if you can't hear him, telling you, what to do......give the 10th to the church you go to or cause that means something to you, if you don't attend a church.....just to not forfeit his tremendous blessings, that he so wants to shower on you - he needs your obedience and he needs to know, where your treasure is....

You might remember, that my resources have somewhat dimmed since last summer, and with all the many responsibilities, I counted it all out, so that I wasn't giving less than I had to, but I also didn't give more, as I thought, I couldn't afford it anymore.

Now, here is the astounding answer, God gave me last week, when I brought this issue up again after last weeks sermon: Listen Girl, he said, if you give more, I can bless you more - Wow, that was an interesting statement...... - and Pastor Paul confirmed this in this week's sermon...  There is a connection with what you give to the body of Christ and how much you can be blessed - I didn't know that.....the tithing was more something I did out of obedience to his word, but I never fathomed, that it could have something to do with how much my Daddy in Heaven could and would bless me.

Remember, what I said last week, I will not look at the numbers in my bank account, but give generously to all the different causes and I will not cheat any of them of their due amount. And since he wants us to put him to the test - I will do it - stay put, my friends, I will tell you in due time, how that whole thing played out.

Here is a story from many years ago: When I lived in Canada from 1994-1996 towards the end of my stay, due to an accident with my car, I had lost my job,.....so finances really were tight. I had 2 credit cards, and I filled them up to the rim with cost for living and little extras, like my fav. drink (mind you never going over board) at my favourite bar ever so often. When the time came, to make the minimum payment, I had none left......but guess what: my Daddy provided the exact amount, that was the minimum payment through a cheque that I received in the mail right on time to make the deadline - so I guess, I can say, that he has already proven to me, that if I am obedient to all he tells me to do (for I sure did that, no matter,  how hard that often seemed), he will fill my storehouse - maybe not to overflowing at that time, but definitely to make ends meet.

There was another lesson in it for me as well: A sweet friend of mine from the US actually helped me, by sending me money straight to my account, to buy food, another one, gave me $60.- to buy my sweet dog, who had been a dear companion for almost 12 years, before he passed away in 2007, and a bag of food for him - how I got my beloved beagle,  that's another miracle right there, which I might get to in a different post.... 

Just on the financial aspect of things: God does prompt people to help you financially, if you are in need, and have given to his kingdom, even if it's only in obedience to the nudgings of the Holy Spirit. I honestly do not remember where the check for the minimum payment came from, but it doesn't really matter.....all that matters, is that it was the exact amount that I needed. I had to learn to receive money from friends, which was actually quite hard, but I was forced to graciously accept it, or else I couldn't have made it through this difficult time - hard lesson, but a good one - today I can receive and even ask for help much easier - even if there is still room for growth, since so far I still felt guilty, that I never paid my friend in the US back - it wasn't that I didn't want to, but it was that each time, that I wanted to, cause that's how I was brought up, if you owe something you make sure to pay it back at the earliest convenience - a song would pop up, it's actually just a line of a song: 'if you don't know me by now, you will never never never know me....., telling me somehow, that I shouldn't even attempt to pay it back. The guilt of not having paid it back, severed the friendship for I never since tried to connect with her - today, God pointed out to me, that by helping a friend of mine in her financial difficulty, I have actually paid my debt forward, with interest - showing me, that this is, how his kingdom works. It's not by worldly standards that you can reason in the kingdom of God. Ok, Lord, I got it - I won't do it anymore......and you know what, I will look up my friend in the US, hoping she is still alive, and hopefully meet her again SOON!!! It actually also refers back to what Jesus did for us on the cross - we can never ever repay him, but we can pay it forward and lay our life down for the people he puts in our reach....thus letting him touch their lives through us - again, paying it forward - that's the principal that is paramount in the kingdom of God.

Please friends, I urge you, try him, please, don't be stingy - because he cannot bless you, if you are not obedient to him, and give to the furthering of the Kingdom of God - we all want Heaven or Paradise on Earth, but we don't want to do what it takes, to bring Heaven on Earth - thankfully Jesus did, and he showed us the way. I don't know about you, but I want ALL he has for me, therefore I will do all he asks of me (in a nutshell, all he really wants is, that I love him, and that I am obedient to the prompting of the Holy Spirit) - and loving him, I do.

Let's do, what it takes, let's go the extra mile in obedience to his call - let's bless the body of Christ, and see, what God has up his sleeve for us, then. Oh, and if you are currently not frequenting a church, then, put this money aside and give it to a cause you strongly believe in, or ask God in prayer, what he wants you to do with it - I believe, he will tell you. I am sure, that in due time, he will lead you to a church, that fits your desire to be seen, to be accepted and where you can grow up in Christ.....(in a story I read, a master was asked by his apprentice, what the pitcher full of money was for - the master, who was not a regular church goer, explained, that this was the 10th, which was for the kingdom of God - and he would deposit it sooner or later, where it belonged, and the man was deeply blessed with a flourishing business), and if there is other places, you have committed or are obliged to give, don't be stingy about it, be generous!!! God wants to bless you abundantly, but he wants to make sure, that your treasures and your loyalty are where they bear much fruit for you. For, again, where your treasures are, there your heart is also - so tithing is not, that the church needs you, for God will provide for her needs, but it gives you abundant blessings.

Blessings to you today, my dear friends, I hope you had an amazing Monday - 'talk' to you soon. I love you lots.
Big Hug 

My Prayers have all been heard.....

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Hello friends, I am absolutely dumbfounded, speechless, amazed and blown away, at what God has done for me......He wants my Heart, even though he owns the whole universe. Wow, how amazing is that???

Over the last little while, ever since I signed up for the Date Night at my church, I couldn't help but wonder, if God was going to grant me my miracle that night.....that the #LoverOfMySoul would finally return for me - I am speaking of the one I have loved for the last 18 years...... - well, since I have had that feeling already a couple of times since this summer, when our connection was restored somehow - I am believing that he has chosen to surrender his life to Christ that day.....I am not sure, but somehow, that's the only explanation I can find (not that I need to know what happened, all that matters is, that it did) - anyhow, I needed to make sure, that I wasn't going to be devastated if he didn't show up......so I went to the dinner, with #LisaTimney and #PatrickTimney singing a potpourri of the most beautiful love songs from the best musicals of our time, expecting nothing.

When I got there, I found a seat with people I had never personally met (mind you, I was a bit late..., so I couldn't mingle before and find friends to sit with) - the dinner was nice, and the music had me crying again - good thing, the light was dimmed, so people didn't see me crying. I loved the candle light atmosphere and I had some very nice conversations with the people at my table and talking to some friends throughout the evening.

When I got home, I wasn't sure, what God had in mind with this evening, I couldn't put my finger on it just yet......but he has shown me later during the night, and this morning, that our life here on Earth is only about to learn to love him - it's not about who we are with, it's about whose we are, it's not about making money, it's about fulfilling his purpose for our life, in my case, it's not about being a sought after therapist, it's about healing the people, he brings my way - for that I don't even need an office, I can just follow my innate navigation system, and listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and to go where he is leading me - and then be his hands, feet, hugs and smiles, that this world needs.

One of the happenings of last week was, that on Thursday February 7th, I got a phone call from one of the owners from the Spa and Wellness Center, where I had the room that I was going to use as my therapy office - well, they're closing down shop......while I was really sad, that they decided to not hang on to their own dream for a little while longer, I wasn't worried for my office - I know, that, if God ordains it, he will bring it about, but that I was too fixed on the idea of having an office. Now God revealed to me, that it's not about the office, it's about healing the ones he brings to me - wherever that might be. Got it, Lord...... - I'll do it, you show me where and what, and you do the how. I am still exploring other office options, but in the meantime, I will make house calls, meet in coffee shops, restaurants, wherever the client is comfortable to meet. I know, God is in control and my journey has only just begun.

It's not about making a living, cause he will provide for ALL our needs, but to live a fulfilled life, it's about bringing Glory to his name, reflecting Christ to the people around us - nothing else. He will ask you to do the what and the where - the how, is his domaine.

It's not about where you live, it's about making a difference in the lives of the people where you are. It's not about finding yourself, it's about finding out, who he created you to be.

It's not about loosing weight and fitting the demands of the world - it's about living healthy, and honouring the temple that God can dwell in.

It's not about saving souls, cause Christ finished that 2000+ years ago - it's about being Christ to them, being his hands, feel, hugs and smiles, making a difference in their lives through reflecting Christ, being transformational in their lives - that they want, what you have :)..... (love them back into the kingdom of God).

Once you tasted love, it's just the beginning and he will take you on a ride, that you could never have dreamt up yourself - okay, Daddy, I am ready to fly away with you, wherever you might take me. My heart has been yours for the last 20+ years, you took residency in my heart almost 18 years ago - actually that was only the  moment that I finally realized it....for you had been there all my life..... - you never ever left, even though I messed up big time, when I didn't turn to you, when I thought all hope was lost, when the #LoverOfMySoul walked out of my life and got married to someone else. When I thought, the struggle with my firstborn son, was somewhat your punishment for doing all the things I never wanted to do - like sleeping with a man, before I was married, looking for approval of people rather than your approval, complaining about my circumstances, blaming others for my circumstances.... - I was wrong, when I did that, I apologize - Please Please Please forgive me!!!!

Yet all the while, you just wanted me to finally find  my way into your open arms, let you hold me tight and wipe away all my tears - so you stayed in my heart, waiting, what I would do, when I would return to where I belonged - Well, Daddy, your prodigal daughter is home for good. Never ever will I make a tiny step out of your will. I know, when I delight in you, you will grant me my heart's desire......being reunited with the love of my life - Yet Father: Your timing is perfect for me......., I will no longer try to make things happen on my own anymore, I trust your ways and your timing forever more. I know, I am home for good.

Funny, after I had this HUGE CHANDELIER going on inside of me this morning, I received a facebook message from a friend of mine from High School, saying 'Happy Birthday' to me - my first impulse was, to say thank you, but to tell him, that my birthday wasn't until next Wednesday - the Spirit whispered into my ears, that actually today was my birthday  - that today the rest of my life, in communion with the Holy One of Israel has begun.

I don't know, where my Daddy is taking me, but I sure like the ride so far - it feels like going to the fair with my daddy, having him buy me these gingerbread hearts, with the beautiful message on them, going on roller coaster rides and on haunted mansion rides (even if to this day they still somewhat creep me out), but with my Daddy I don't have to be afraid - we're having a blast at the fair.....or maybe even Canada's Wonderland (who knows). I know, I can trust my Daddy with my Heart's Desire and that he has only my very very best interest at heart, so I will never ever go astray again.

He's given me my birthday presents already - how amazing is this, that I get to celebrate today with my heavenly family, tomorrow with my sister and her girls -  then on Wednesday with some of my sisters in Christ here on earth - next Saturday I am going to the Opera with my twin brother, and the day after, there will be a dinner with my special sisters in the Lord , the ones that stood by me, when now one else would, being there for me in my time of need - with one of them hosting the event, and another one playing the harp for us. This is Heaven indeed.

I have never had a deeper peace in my heart than I have right now. Thank you Jesus, for hanging on and for being this close and always being ready to come to my rescue.

My Prayer for you today is, that you would be able to fully surrender to his will, trust him with your heart, that you would be able to be obedient, whenever the Holy Spirit asks you to do something or be someone to those around you, that you would delight in him always and that we would all be granted our heart's desire - lovingly prepared by the one, who created us in his image.

In the powerful name of Jesus,
Amen

I

New Challenges......this time I know, they're blessings in disguise.....

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Hello my dear friends, if you are following me on twitter or are my friends on Facebook, you are probably wondering, what has happened, what are the challenges, I need all the strength I can get from the #LoverOfMySoul, to face. Well, I cannot really tell you at this moment, but it's definitely been a blow to my existence - or should I say, that's what the evil one would like it to be - but he has no chance this time, to make me even consider to trip, and let go of my faith (like he could last year around this time - thanks to God, who has strengthened me considerably over the last year, I am nowhere where I was last year) - but nonetheless I am weary, and the last years have definitely taken a toll on me.....I am weak, and all I want to do is lean into some strong arms, to hold me, and to assure me that all is going to be good.

Yesterday after I had read the letter that has dealt me this blow, I ran into the arms of the one, who holds my tomorrows - and it was absolutely amazing, to just let my guards down, and to admit to weakness and the need to be held and comforted - it was at the exact place, where we had our first date just a week before. I am so grateful for his presence in my life.

I know, the evil one has tried to seize me, to put fear into my heart - to no avail!!! The one who is in me and I am in him, is stronger than the one, who is in the world - there is no doubt about this. I am still distressed, because I have to get into action mode, but the situation is not hopeless - that it never can be, for I know, who is for me, so no weapon fashioned against me shall prosper, Cause God loves me so much, that he will protect me, and we will be standing triumphantly in the end. I am not troubled - this time I know, it's blessings in disguise, cause up unto now, whenever there were high waves raging, when the sea was calm again, the view got clearer and I could see much farther into the distance, and Heaven here on earth seemed to be so much closer. 

I know, God wants me to trust in him alone, in all matters of my life - and this time there have just been one too many blows in too short of a time - yet, it shows me, he believes I can handle it, in his strength - and in Christ I can do all things, and now that the #LoverOfMySoul is so near, almost close enough to touch, how could I not say, that all is well with my soul???

Remembering all God's Promises and declaring them over my circumstances, I know will move mountains. Weeping only lasts for a night (yesterday night found me again crying uncontrollably, asking the Lord, to come for me, and set me free forever, to take me home for good) but today my eyes are clear, and I look the challenge straight in the eye, knowing that my God is bigger than this challenge, and he will lead me to still waters, and I get to rest and be still and know, that he is God!!!

My friends, I know, life sometimes can seem so tough, but over my past, I have learnt two things:

1) When God brings you to it, he will provide the grace, strength and peace to get through it.

2) When God allows it, there is a gift for you in it - and I know it won't be long, until I find out, what his gift is for me this time.

Hang in there, often, when it seems as if you are going to break under the load you're bearing, God is working the most behind the scene for you to give you your heart's desire.

This brings me to the closing for this post: My friends and I will be starting a bible study this Thursday, and I can only suggest the book: 'Your Heart's Desire' by #SheriRoseShepherd - may her insights bless you much.

In the powerful name of Christ, I say good-bye for now.

If we did Love Christ's way.....

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Hello my friends, I have to quickly share something with you, that the Holy Spirit showed me this morning: If we did Love Christ's way, there would be no JEALOUSY!!! In Christ there is exactly one Bridegroom for each Bride - Here is the fascinating Truth, that I received regarding this matter over the course of some time: Male and Female he created them......God is Male and Female (Mother and Father to all) - and when he created us in his image, he created man first....having both male and female aspects in him, just like the Father, but then he realized, that on Earth it was not good for man to be alone, so he created the woman from the rib of man - the rib, because it's close to the heart, to be loved by man, and because the man can wrap his arms around her and can protect her.  God in Himself is complete - so are we called to be complete in Him, but life can be very lonely, when we do life without the twin heart, that God created to be with us,

I am sure, you all agree, that Christ is the best friend to ALL believers alike, and you do not have to be jealous, as each relationship is unique. As this unique best friend and lover of your soul, he is yours alone, no need to worry, that he'd love another more. The truth is, that this is true for a love relationship between a man and a woman here on earth.

When we do Love Christ's way, there is only one, that is absolutely made for us - according to the loving tender care, that God's heart holds for us, he is ultimately relational and he knows your heart, and longs to give you your heart's desire - there is only one match for your heart's desire.

Unfortunately we have forgotten it, The world bombards us with standards regarding looks and success....so we misinterpret love most of the time. When it's true, it's true, honest and sincere, because that's how God created it to be (in his image), it's for free and it's only directed at one person - Ego has a totally different agenda, it seeks to exalt itself - where true love looks to exalt the other, and by doing that, giving the Glory to God and showing Christ to those around him or herself.

If we did Love, Christ's way, we would wait for our Bridegroom to appear, and all other men would be family in Christ - who would want to sleep with or marry her brother or his sister, uncle, dad, mother, aunt and grandparents in his or her sound mind - only in an upside down world this is possible. When you have embraced Christ, and are totally obedient to his calling, then every woman knows, that her husband is safe with his sisters, aunts, mothers..... I would trust my sister, that she would not mess with my man - I hope you trust your family members with your spouses.

Let's commit to doing Love Christ's way and live a life free of confusion, and pressure about looks and how to dress. Let's dress modestly, to help our men and women not to go astray, but mostly trust him or her, that he is made in the image of God himself, and as such he will not veer off the right path.

I love you all, Christ's way - my dear brothers and sisters, uncles, aunts, mothers and fathers in Christ - there is only one I can love differently and he is the one, that God prepared for me.

Amen

Finances.....

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Good Afternoon dear friends, I am just blown away, about, how fast my Daddy's responses come to me - yesterday, as I was driving with my little munchkin to the Opera - what an Amazing Amazing Opera - 'La Clemenza di Tito' shook me to the core of my soul.....playing out the struggles of the heart regarding Love, Forgiveness, Mercy and Betrayal - really really deep work - and the music was just divine.....too bad no harp this time - but that might be a topic of another blog - or not....just as God will have me write for his Glory alone.

Okay, so on the drive to the City, I was talking to God about finances, as I have been facing some financial struggle over the last few months......and I sensed, that I had to take this situation one step further, and submit it into his care.....

Yet I sensed a resistance in me, due to the world views about finances, that I grew up with - my father was the sole provider for the family - an absent one at that, who was a workaholic, to numb his need for a fulfilled family life (he didn't know, how to show emotions, unless through providing for his family, and giving gifts to those he loved, which in itself is not a bad thing, but it was often carried out in a bad way (with strings attached). Don't get me wrong, I am not judging, just stating a fact. He so desperately needed to be loved, that he thought he had to buy love.... You had to catch him at a good moment, when he was in a good mood, if you needed something - if he wasn't in a good mood, chances were, you asked in vain.

Well, I have been working in my father's business for almost 17 years, and as such, my main income was coming through my work for him. That in itself is also not a bad thing, but lately God has been telling me, that I had to rely on him for the provision of ALL my needs, and to let go of the safety net, that came from my earthly father...... - OOOOPS, this needs a huge step of Faith, completely trusting him with ALL my sources of income. That's were the resistance came - I have never ever been able to completely trust anyone other than my earthly father, to provide for my needs. You know, I am not overspending (okay, okay, maybe sometimes - but not to a great extend anyway) but I have a huge responsibility regarding my children's school and extra curriculum activities, and the house we live in, etcetera.....

My Dad and I had a special arrangement regarding the cost for everything that concerned the house -  yet lately I have been left stranded, trying to cover it all by myself...... - now here comes Jesus, and challenges me, to trust him and him alone. Can I change my ways of thinking, that all and everything has always come from my earthly Dad, into believing that he will do it, and that all and everything came from him all along??? I want to, but can I???

I sense that this is yet another milestone in my obedient walk with Christ alone, him my sole provider. Yet this morning, my Daddy answered through the sermon at my church. We have to be generous to the church and the body of Christ, and he will fill all our needs and even more - we will be able to give away more, if we obey.

Okay - you all know me, I can't live life any other way anymore, than being absolutely obedient - so I will put him to the test - as he urges us in Malachi 3.....I will give freely, not looking at the numbers in my bank account. Trusting that he will provide and that he will fill my storehouses to overflowing. He will probably blow my mind by the amazing ways, that he is going to do it - as I don't have an inkling of an idea at the moment. Yet, trustingly and obediently I will jump off this cliff, and I know, He will catch me AND give me wings to FLY!!! 

Are you joining me??? Praising God for his faithfulness.
Be blessed my friends - today and always, 
Amen

Are you sleeping with the Enemy?

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Hello again, my friends, those of you who are friends with me on Facebook (I call it Faithbook - some of my friends call what I post on Facebook, my Facebook Ministry) - have already read the title and what I have to say about this.....

Here it is:

Are you sleeping with the Enemy??? Meaning the Enemy of your Soul??? For when you allow Doubt and Fear to divert  you from the path you're on, where you know, God is leading you - when you can almost touch forever, and when you are fulfilled in what you are doing, but if you're not yet exactly where you want to be..... - don't give up believing - it is just around the next bend....

The assault of the enemy, bombarding us with fears and doubts, is strongest, when we're just about to FINALLY break through the mist of dawn, to see the bright Sonshine upon our lives. Please my friends, trust me, I have been there......and by the Grace of God have been able to push through.

Recent happenings again have shown me, that it's truly according to one's faith that it is given unto them. Believe in the promises in the Bible, that you are called to be what God created you to be. Nothing more, but also nothing less - and being what God created you to be, is the most brilliant place to be - you want to know why??? Because he doesn't expect you to be perfect, just to be, who he created to be, and to listen and obey to his calling, and he will do the rest. If he calls you, he will make sure you succeed. No doubt about that.

He thinks you are to die for, and if you had been the only person on Earth, when he sent Jesus down to earth, to die for your sins, he still would have done it. Don't listen to gossip or other people's opinion, rest in the arms of Jesus, knowing that he loves you more, that he went to the cross willingly for you. That's how much he loves you and how much he wants to enter into a meaningful relationship with you. Nothing compares to being in this life giving relationship. Trust him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3;5-6) - delight yourself in him, and he will give you the desire of your heart (Psalm 37:4).

God created you in his image, so don't shrink back and consider yourself unworthy of being loved, promoted, successful in all your ways - You are his Masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10) - We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). Never ever forget that.

With this I close today and wish you an amazing Saturday - the Sun is out and the snow sparkles like millions of diamonds - my friends, we are so rich in his riches, if we only let go of the standards of the world, and consider us rich, because we can enjoy nature, see the beauty around us, have people in our lives, that love us, and not look at our bank accounts and the fame regarding our outward life. Let's keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, and receive all the blessings he has for us, for he longs to give us Life everlasting and he wants to give it to us more abundantly. Let's make a collective decision, to receive all he has prepared for us - let's step into Heaven here on earth and not believe the lies of the devil of poverty, sickness and despair.

God is bigger than any of the mountains, and Jesus even said, that if we had faith the size of a mustard seed, we could tell the mountain in front of us, to move and it would move. Let's speak truth and life into the lives of the people in our lives, encourage and comfort those in need. But most of all, let's decide, to never again sleep with the enemy!!!

In the powerful name of Jesus Christ I pray,

Amen

He truly loves me - what a Joy!!!

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Hello my friends, I am not even sure if I can write tonight, if I can find the words for what has been happening in my life since last Monday - or maybe already since last week Wednesday.....I will try, but it puts me out there again on thin ice.....People might want to judge or criticize, call me crazy and whatever else they might come up with.

I told you, that I believe, that my Daddy in Heaven has restored the connection to the man that I have been loving for the last 18 years, that was in August of this year - despite my being married and having two children with another man - all this happened, because our spiritual ties, that were there before, have been cut - I didn't believe in a future for the two of us, when I knew he had gotten married. Well, since August I could hear his heart beating again - felt, when he was thinking about me.....just like I did, after we had said 'Good-Bye' in 1996...... (after I wanted to at least save the friendship).

Last week at harp lesson, my teacher told me, in order to hold the harp properly and to be able to play the higher notes, I had to really embrace the instrument (opening the arms wide and welcome the love of my life - in this case my harp - into my arms, heart.) When I tried to do that at home the same day, my tears were flowing - I couldn't do it - something was stopping me. After my Daddy in Heaven had revealed to me, why I couldn't do it, I kind of shrank away from the hurting experience again - I didn't play much harp last week - I was too frightened, that the pain would come back. Yet deep in my heart, I knew, that no matter what, I was going to face this pain, and would give it to Jesus, let him heal my heart and my pain. - And: no surprise, he did heal my broken heart again, bound it up, to continue the work he started in me, to make me whole in him.

Last Monday I had an appointment with my osteopath, and we worked at what caused my shoulders to hurt.....again, the pain, the sorrow came, tears were running down my cheeks at  more than one occasion, but with it came release and relief.

Now, guess what, when I was waiting for my son's dance lesson to be over last Monday night, I sat in a cafe nearby, and tried to do some work on the Internet.....but I couldn't connect to the Internet - even though I checked the password with the owner of the coffee shop, and everybody else was connected.

All of the sudden, I heard the Spirit whisper: No, I don't want you to do that now, I want to spend time with you......I want to tell you, how much I truly love you - I don't have proof, but it almost seemed, as if my man was talking to me - and I was in tears again......but so very happy at the same time.....it felt as if we truly had a date (we kept talking for some time :)) - Praise God for this amazing conversation in the Spirit. Since then, even though it's hard to believe, we seem to be inseparable. I am in true bliss, and I know, it's still just in the Spirit, yet we're one step closer to our miracle to happen in the here and now.

I know, he hears me too - and I love to talk to him throughout the day, bring all my concerns and thoughts to him, ask him, if this and that is okay for me to do, how I should do certain things. And most of the time, I hear an immediate response.....it's almost there to touch.

When I think, what my sweet saviour and best friend Jesus has facilitated for me: He has set me free, through confirming this Love in my heart, whenever I was in doubt, and questioning if I was just making this all up, what concerned me and the love of my life. Yet he has always silenced my doubts, reaffirming me, that I am not day dreaming, always telling me, that my dream was safe with him. Now, through healing my heart again, I believe I am ready to receive more fully the love that he wants me to receive - even that of the man of my dreams (mind you, over the last years I have had many dreams about him, about us, in my sleep) - and the weekend of my graduation I heard his voice again for the first time, after all these years.

I don't know, who was more afraid of the two of us, to be hurt, rejected or abandoned by the other, that we couldn't embrace our love and destiny already 18 years ago.....but all I know is: I have to have the pain, in order to have the growth - I think I am ready, Darling, I  will accept them both for Love..... (Kath Bloom on her CD 'Finally' - 'I wanna Love') - and whole heartedly I say YES. For I do not want to be alone anymore - and God willing, we'll get to live the dream, we have dreamt for such a long time.

I love him with all my heart, and I hope he hears this, and knows, that I will never ever abandon or reject him. And as I said earlier, in my other two blogs, I know, that God intended for us to be together forever. Finally I am ready to let go of my fears, and open my arms wide again, and to welcome him into my life. - Without Jesus, healing my heart step by step, my beloved Father in Heaven, preparing my miracle behind the scenes, and the Holy Spirit guiding me/us - we would be nowhere near where we are today. The holy Trinity and my training (Therapy) in Biosynthesis has brought me to where God wants me to be - hitting the fast forward button, cause we already wasted too much time.

I am forever grateful - and I can't help thinking, that some of you might think, that now she's completely lost it.....well, I assure you, that I have never been so clear in my life....and I will keep believing in my miracle, for according to your faith it will be done to you.

Hoping that this inspires you to believe, to trust in God's Way, His timing and His provision. I love you all and I hope that you pray for me and my man, that we will be reunited soon, and that no more fears will hold us down - I pray the same thing daily - In the powerful name of Jesus Christ,

Amen

Your purpose becomes clearer with time......yet it was there from the beginning of your life....

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Hello my dear friends, you can tell, I am on a roll......God is making me aware of so much lately......I don't even get to write it down fast enough:

Yesterday I was talking to a friend - and the Holy Spirit stopped me in my tracks, as I realized something truly amazing - as I was telling her, that already as a student, as I was approaching graduation from high school and had to decide what to do with my life...... - the deciding factor for choosing the school I enrolled for my future studies were the same then as they are today, as I embark to live my professional dream: people, languages and travel - at the time, the only thing that seemed to provide this for me, was going into Hotel Management.

 This in itself contains yet another dream of mine: I am dreaming of one day having my own retreat center, where I can organize events such as concerts, readings or whatever God will have me organize, with my beloved artists (those that have inspired me in my walk with Christ, or those that I know today and whose music, books or art I cherish) - but I guess that's the next career, when my children are grown up and I can - FINALLY move somewhere warm near salt water :).

Then he put the desire to reach children with autism or people in general, that are stuck in their lives......to inspire them to dare to embrace their destiny. I also wanted to study in California after high school - well I didn't do it then, but I did it now - my course in Biosynthesis was taught down there...... (sometimes you just have to dream a little longer :)) - yet all your dreams have the potential to come true. Today I can work with people, use my languages and travel being a therapist (because I already do spend time in different countries, and I am a therapist - probably have been one for a long time - cause you either have a heart of a therapist or you don't, just as you either have a heart of a minister or pastor, or you don't). It simply blows my mind, to see it all unfold right in front of my very eyes - God is amazing.

Last but not least, I always loved writing letters - and he placed the desire to write a book in my heart many years ago - well, it's not a book (yet?!?), but I am writing for him today in my blogs and I am enjoying it tremendously - I write in letter style. It was all there - all the time......I just couldn't put all the puzzle pieces together - YET!!! But then Christ healed my heart and set me free to fly.

Today I can see it clearly, his hand is visible throughout my entire life - and from Glory to Glory he has been moulding me. He is the potter, I am the clay.....and since I have surrendered the need to do life on my own, and submitted all of me to him, everyday I wake up, I stand in awe, in what he is daily recreating me to be - and the best part is, that he believes in me, and he gives me strength, to keep walking, despite sometimes feeling as if this purpose is far too big for me.....he silences this doubting voice immediately, by reassuring me, that he is always by my side, that I don't have to do it on my own - that he is doing it through me - letting me live the life I always dreamt living, but never dared to embrace, as long as I was stuck in my own little me.

Since the Holy Spirit lives within me, I know, there is no limit to God - the only limit we might experience is our own limits. I know, he has so much more in store for me - so I just let him keep the reins in my life forever more. He will make the impossible possible. As I said earlier, I believe in miracles, cause my Daddy is in the miracle business, and I am his beloved daughter and heiress. I am called to do, what Jesus did, when he walked the earth and even more (John 14:12)

Are you up for it??? I am - I can hardly wait to embrace it all - Praying that we will do this together, and change the world, one step at a time. I love you my friends, and I pray for you always.

In Jesus' powerful name - be blessed always
Amen

Such a relief.....

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Good Morning, my sweet friends......I am extremely happy to report, that I have again reached another threshold in my daily walk with Christ:

The last few days were overshadowed by a need of appreciation of others......positive reaction from those in my sphere of influence - which I didn't get (not saying in general), but there are some, that I would have liked to respond positively, but they didn't. The hurt goes deep, but it's not like it was before -  today I trust Jesus to heal my heart, today I know, whose I am, and that he will fight the fight for me/he will not have my enemies triumph over me. I also learnt over the last months/years, that it's never the people that don't respond positively to you, it's darkness versus light all the time, so I know, all I have to do, is turn my hurts and pains over to the one, who died for me, who is giving me right standing with God, through my faith in him.

Therefore I will never have to justify myself, but I have to move forward, in what I am called to do - not valuing the negative responses, but looking to what God says about me, and being obedient to where the Holy Spirit is guiding me. All else is none of my business, but God's!!!

The end - Amen - Praising God forevermore.