He truly loves me - what a Joy!!!

Embrace your Destiny and walk in His Grace - He is your Strength when you are weak, He lifts you up when you can't reach.....

Hello my friends, I am not even sure if I can write tonight, if I can find the words for what has been happening in my life since last Monday - or maybe already since last week Wednesday.....I will try, but it puts me out there again on thin ice.....People might want to judge or criticize, call me crazy and whatever else they might come up with.

I told you, that I believe, that my Daddy in Heaven has restored the connection to the man that I have been loving for the last 18 years, that was in August of this year - despite my being married and having two children with another man - all this happened, because our spiritual ties, that were there before, have been cut - I didn't believe in a future for the two of us, when I knew he had gotten married. Well, since August I could hear his heart beating again - felt, when he was thinking about me.....just like I did, after we had said 'Good-Bye' in 1996...... (after I wanted to at least save the friendship).

Last week at harp lesson, my teacher told me, in order to hold the harp properly and to be able to play the higher notes, I had to really embrace the instrument (opening the arms wide and welcome the love of my life - in this case my harp - into my arms, heart.) When I tried to do that at home the same day, my tears were flowing - I couldn't do it - something was stopping me. After my Daddy in Heaven had revealed to me, why I couldn't do it, I kind of shrank away from the hurting experience again - I didn't play much harp last week - I was too frightened, that the pain would come back. Yet deep in my heart, I knew, that no matter what, I was going to face this pain, and would give it to Jesus, let him heal my heart and my pain. - And: no surprise, he did heal my broken heart again, bound it up, to continue the work he started in me, to make me whole in him.

Last Monday I had an appointment with my osteopath, and we worked at what caused my shoulders to hurt.....again, the pain, the sorrow came, tears were running down my cheeks at  more than one occasion, but with it came release and relief.

Now, guess what, when I was waiting for my son's dance lesson to be over last Monday night, I sat in a cafe nearby, and tried to do some work on the Internet.....but I couldn't connect to the Internet - even though I checked the password with the owner of the coffee shop, and everybody else was connected.

All of the sudden, I heard the Spirit whisper: No, I don't want you to do that now, I want to spend time with you......I want to tell you, how much I truly love you - I don't have proof, but it almost seemed, as if my man was talking to me - and I was in tears again......but so very happy at the same time.....it felt as if we truly had a date (we kept talking for some time :)) - Praise God for this amazing conversation in the Spirit. Since then, even though it's hard to believe, we seem to be inseparable. I am in true bliss, and I know, it's still just in the Spirit, yet we're one step closer to our miracle to happen in the here and now.

I know, he hears me too - and I love to talk to him throughout the day, bring all my concerns and thoughts to him, ask him, if this and that is okay for me to do, how I should do certain things. And most of the time, I hear an immediate response.....it's almost there to touch.

When I think, what my sweet saviour and best friend Jesus has facilitated for me: He has set me free, through confirming this Love in my heart, whenever I was in doubt, and questioning if I was just making this all up, what concerned me and the love of my life. Yet he has always silenced my doubts, reaffirming me, that I am not day dreaming, always telling me, that my dream was safe with him. Now, through healing my heart again, I believe I am ready to receive more fully the love that he wants me to receive - even that of the man of my dreams (mind you, over the last years I have had many dreams about him, about us, in my sleep) - and the weekend of my graduation I heard his voice again for the first time, after all these years.

I don't know, who was more afraid of the two of us, to be hurt, rejected or abandoned by the other, that we couldn't embrace our love and destiny already 18 years ago.....but all I know is: I have to have the pain, in order to have the growth - I think I am ready, Darling, I  will accept them both for Love..... (Kath Bloom on her CD 'Finally' - 'I wanna Love') - and whole heartedly I say YES. For I do not want to be alone anymore - and God willing, we'll get to live the dream, we have dreamt for such a long time.

I love him with all my heart, and I hope he hears this, and knows, that I will never ever abandon or reject him. And as I said earlier, in my other two blogs, I know, that God intended for us to be together forever. Finally I am ready to let go of my fears, and open my arms wide again, and to welcome him into my life. - Without Jesus, healing my heart step by step, my beloved Father in Heaven, preparing my miracle behind the scenes, and the Holy Spirit guiding me/us - we would be nowhere near where we are today. The holy Trinity and my training (Therapy) in Biosynthesis has brought me to where God wants me to be - hitting the fast forward button, cause we already wasted too much time.

I am forever grateful - and I can't help thinking, that some of you might think, that now she's completely lost it.....well, I assure you, that I have never been so clear in my life....and I will keep believing in my miracle, for according to your faith it will be done to you.

Hoping that this inspires you to believe, to trust in God's Way, His timing and His provision. I love you all and I hope that you pray for me and my man, that we will be reunited soon, and that no more fears will hold us down - I pray the same thing daily - In the powerful name of Jesus Christ,

Amen