Hello my sweet friends, I am in a bit of turmoil today (last Thursday :)), as I can feel the Lord preparing me for something.....I am reading old journals, realizing, that in 1994/1995 and 1997 I have been where I am today, very much in tune with God, listening to the Holy Spirit and obeying his call on my life. Reading my Prayer Journal, shows me, that somewhere in the time between 1997 and 2011 I have lost touch....I don't really quite understand why - I can come up with a few ideas:
1. Giving up my dream, to be reunited with the one, I knew, God had brought into my life for a greater purpose - he had been granting me my biggest wish, to meet the man, he had for me - he brought him to me in 1995 - unfortunately, we messed up.....
2. Giving up on many of my values and dreams of how I wanted to find true love - settling for good enough.....cause I thought I wasn't valuable enough for an above the line kind of relationship, as none had ever happened over the years.
Today I know, that this has been the devil's form of identity theft, that he is so brilliant at conveying to us......in retrospect, I know, that none of this was true.....for I know today, that I have left several men stranded, out of fear of not measuring up, out of insecurity. I could have chosen either one, but I hadn't found my true identity in Christ just yet..... - thankfully these are the things of the past. Today I know, whose I am, and who defines my worth - the one, who created me in the first place, the one who created me his masterpiece, the one who bestowed Dignity and Respect upon me. Thankfully today I walk in this truth and it has set me free.
Yet, looking back, and taking stock, where I am today, there have been dreams, that never came true, some that are just about to emerge - I am on my road to my destiny, that I know, for a fact.
Today, when I read my heartfelt prayers, for the one, that I had thought to be the one for me, I cried....for all these years, we have not been given a chance to reconnect.....probably out of fear again - his or mine, I don't know. Yet today I am just stepping out in faith, into dating again.....the one that I reconnected with - or maybe I should say, who reconnected with me, is one that I am realizing today, that not only did I have a huge crush on him a quarter of a century ago, but that I truly cared already then - so we'll see, where this is going - all I know is, that he makes me feel seen, heard, and cared for - and this is such a gift - one I was rarely given, or maybe one I wasn't able to receive before, due to fears in the deepest parts of my heart - thankfully, Jesus has come in and healed my heart, and now I am finally ready to receive.
So now I am praying, that I would not get carried away, but stay my course with God keeping Center Stage (his rightful place) - praying and hoping, that my man will accept, that I am all and foremost God's daughter.... - I want to never compromise this, my first love - I hope he understands that.
For any man, without God won't do it for me, I can't do that - I surrender tonights date into the most capable hands of my beloved Daddy in heaven, I know, he is ultimately in control - and I feel that he has brought us here, so he will see us through.....
Trusting.......again, standing at the cliff and jumping off.....into the arms of the one, who holds my tomorrow - knowing full well, that he will either catch me, or he will give me wings to fly.
This takes all the strength I have - and I need all his strength, to jump.....but I am ready.... to receive all my Daddy has for me. - My prayer for tonight is for the Strength and the Peace we can only find in Christ and the Guidance of the Holy Spirit along with the Blessing of the Father....
In the powerful name of Jesus Christ, I pray - Amen -
I love y'all, my sweet friends :)
May God continue to bless you.
I love y'all, my sweet friends :)
May God continue to bless you.
