Hello my friends, I hope you are all well. The weather has been extremely crazy the last little while......icy cold with windchill reaching up to -28'C - yesterday warm winds +12'C - right now it's snowing and windy......oh well, I guess it's winter and we'll make the best of it.
Yesterday at my harp lesson, I learnt an amazing truth about myself - you all know, that I absolutely love my harp, and I love to play it, I love to listen to harp music - it's as if I waited all my life to play this instrument......well: the posture and how you pluck the strings is not like anything you do in real life......and I tend to get really tense, the higher up my hand comes, and I pull my elbows towards me, which is all wrong, cause then your posture gets bad and the sound doesn't come out right.....my teacher said, I had to pretend as if I was opening my arms wide, to welcome someone into my arms, into an embrace, that I really love, and not as if I'd rather shrink away from the embrace.
This told me something about myself.....I often shrink away, even from the people I love, because I have been burnt in the past, and I don't want to risk hurt or rejection again - on a subconscious level, for on the conscious level, I think I am willing to risk it all..... - so when I got home, I tried to do what my teacher had said.....and I found myself in tears - longing for this embrace of the person I loved the most, opening my arms and pulling the harp towards me, as if it was the love of my life - and I realized, that I don't really dare to do that in reality (with people). I always knew, that playing the harp was therapeutic, but I never thought it could help me realize, that in my life right now, I am still holding back - still being chained up somehow, not able to fully receive.
Last Sunday we sang a song: I receive your love - just that.....and I know, I have to learn to receive more fully. I am still stuck and my wings can't quite stretch all the way..... - how sad is that, for I really want to fly. And I fly in many different areas of my life, but for love, I still don't open my arms wide enough, to receive it.
I took this to my Daddy in prayer last night, and he revealed to me, that I had to dare to believe and dare to receive.....so I will take his advice and exercise with my harp, even if the tears keep flowing, I know it's worth it. I also know, that that is why my left shoulder is still hurting - my wing is still hurting..... - I am just amazed, at how quickly I hear from my Father in Heaven.
He is simply the best - I pray that you would feel encouraged to go to him with your tears, fears and pains, and ask him, to reveal to you, what lies at the root of your suffering. I am sure he will gladly give you the answers you are looking for. For his deepest desire is to be in a relationship with you.
I trust in him with all my heart and I know, he always knows best - In the powerful name of Jesus Christ - Amen
