I am going down memory lane today....I don't really know why, but I stumbled across my wedding pictures of almost 12 years ago - the marriage didn't last, which makes me sad......but then again, looking back on all the lessons, that I had the privilege of learning through going through the ups and downs of the last 12 years, I realize that I have come a long way - I would have loved to have my dream of endless/timeless love come true.....and still be happily married - but you can't have everything.......
Through all of it, I learnt to look for the positive in all life's circumstances - I learnt to be grateful for what I have - and taking stock today, I have to say, that I am blessed with two amazing children, who are my pride and joy.....when I look back on all I could learn through the broken marriage, the difficulties along the way, raising my children on my own for the last 4+ years, my son with his issues for so many years - once I started to look my fears straight in the eye, and take ownership and charge of my life, didn't try to blame others anymore, but took them in stride, and embraced them, I learnt to believe, that in all the hardship, God was truly keeping a gift in it for me - all I had to do, was trust him and keep looking for it in every single one of my blessings in disguise. Along the way I found a love so deep and so profound.....one that is nurturing my every need - the eternal love of my eternal bridegroom, #theloverofmysoul, who would never let me go.
Today I know, that I will be able to choose love over ego and selfish needs.....I will not need to be praised by man (a man or mankind), nor will I need another person to complete me - all I need is for the man, that God has for me for life, to accept me completely - as I will completely accept him.
Before, even though I kind of knew the love language of my ex husband, I couldn't speak to him in his love language - I guess pride and fear were in the way, because he didn't speak to me in mine.....so we didn't fill each others reservoirs of love, out of which we could have passed the love on to each other and to those in our sphere of influence.
Today I am totally committed and willing to learn the love language of my man, as I understand it as an innate need, that he cannot live without and still be happy - I get that now.....it's just the way that I need it, too - and if I don't get it, my reservoir gets emptied and then we're merely existing - making each other miserable.
Thanks to the enormous love, that Christ (aka the lover of my soul) has for me, I know that I could be happy even if he (my man) didn't speak to me in my love language, because Christ does - and he replenishes my reservoir of love all the time with his tender touch......
It's been a learning curve, but I know, that, should God have another marriage in store for me down the road, I would be successful this time.....it would last for my life time here on earth or beyond, as I have learnt to give all my cares to him, who cares for me..... - and if that coincided, my man having surrendered all of him, to all of Christ, thus being both my man and the lover of my soul, then it's heaven on earth indeed.
Forever grateful - thank you, my friends, for being such faithful friends - I love you <3
